“Isn’t life great?”

It’s the 2nd month into 2015. I have moved schools again, I am taking 3 sports and learning 3 instruments. I am taking academic and rewarding subjects. It’s my second to last year of college.

If you asked me 5 months ago if I was happy, I would have lied and said yes. If you ask me now if I am happy my response is “isn’t life great” I believe there are reasons for everything, some reasons are just not clear now or ever but if you ask someone else to look at it they might be able to give you that reason.

Sitting here trying to write to you is hard, I keep typing then deleting, typing and deleting, over and over again trying to think of the right things to say. All I really want to say is “Isn’t life great?” It is I promise you that, life truly is wonderful and it may not seem that way at the moment but I promise you life is great. To be alive is so rewarding. Finding your passions, your friends, finding yourself is so rewarding! the endless possibilities, the endless amount of people and places and experiences you have throughout your life, are so… rewarding. An endless achievement. You are having a bad time and you made it through today, get your fanciest shoes or fanciest thing that you own on and celebrate! YOU MADE IT! You did it! No one else did it for you, you did entirely on your own so go out there and shake you booty baby! Turn up the music in your bedroom, put your head phones on, find the loudest speakers you can and jam your favourite song and SHAKE THAT BOOTY! You are amazing! I’m so proud of you!!!!!!

Life is amazing and sometimes all you have to do is shake your booty away from all the other shit!

You made it through today so isn’t life just great?

 x

Welcome… Welcome me?

It’s a new year and yes I am sure you are all sick of hearing the “New year, new me” bullshit but this is it, this is a new year and a new me. This is a post entirely dedicated to me, entirely dedicated to the NEW me.

2014 was an interesting year. I faced many new challenges and was faced with struggles I couldn’t see an end to at the time. 2014 was the year of lessons for myself.

I moved schools, I lost friends and gained new ones all at the same time, I became alone, depressed and tore myself apart, I was so focused on the bad parts and making sure I didn’t have to deal with people I destroyed myself. I involved myself in someone I thought could potentially be “the love of my life” and who I still can not manage to stop loving. I have had so many different lessons this year, it was hard to keep up. As if my life were a race that I was trying to win but couldn’t get past that person thats just that second faster than me.

But after all these lessons and new ways of understanding I have completely developed as a person and 2015 will be a good year, its just up to me to make sure that my own perspective on this is more focused on the positive rather than the negative.

So 2015 be good to me, be good to others but to you who is reading this and to myself, be good to yourself, don’t expect more out of others if you can’t expect it in yourself first. Learn to love yourself, learn to be yourself, keep learning.

x

You

You,

You admirable,accepted, adventurous, you. You are you.

You beloved, beautiful, blessed, you. You are you.

You creative, courageous, confident, you. You are you.

You desirable, daring, divine, you. You are you.

You excellent, empowered, enthusiastic, you. You are you.

No matter what letter of the alphabet it may be there will always be a word to explain how amazing you really are.

x

The overwhelming ice that lies within me

I like the rain, I like to listen to its pit pattering against my window and the solid ground below. It’s calming, the rain. It gives a sense of relaxation and peace. But when it’s 12 am, the rain is falling hard and you and I haven’t talked, haven’t communicated a single word or glance to each other in days, I don’t feel peace, I don’t feeling the relaxation, instead I feel the hatred. I hear the rain and the sound of it falling to the ground and think and feeling nothing other than hatred of myself. I have tried to be the best I can be, I have built my walls so high trying to block out the negative thoughts so I could be perfect for you, I have tried but it’s easy to see that if you can go days without glancing my way, while I sit here trying to get the confidence within myself to keep building those walls to make you feel like the happiest guy on earth, if you can go days without me, maybe the hate from outside the walls is right, maybe I don’t mean anything to you after all.